While walking up in the high parts of Puno, me and my mission companion (I was serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) got into sharing stories from different parts of our lives. One story that really became a focal point for me was the story he told me about the “rain circle”.
As a young child his mother had warned him about rain circles, rain circles you see are rainbows but rather than the arch shape you typically see with rainbows, rain circles form a perfect circle. The rain circle will typically form around the sun. However once spotted, they then will fall down and encircle the viewer, though this may seem like a beautiful and serendipitous encounter it has a most heinous outcome. The viewer once encircled will encounter death. You can always tell when someone has been killed by a rain circle because they will have a certain coloration in their skin, just a little remnant left behind by the rain circle. There is however one way to protect yourself from a rain circle. Once the viewer has spotted the rain circle they must pee a circle around themselves and stay within confindes of the circle until the rain circle has passed. The pee circle you see protects you from the rain circle. Treding even a foot beyond the pee circle while in the preseance of a rain circle could mean eminent death.
My companion went on to state that once he and his friend were once walking out in the countryside when they spotted the rain circle. They of course were well aware of the legend so naturally they peed out a circle and stayed safely inside until the rain circle had passed.
I walked on and was waiting for some kind of punch line to the story, but looked over at my companion and realized he wasn’t telling a joke, he was serious. I then started to giggle. He turned and looked hurt by my laughing and stated, “What is so funny”. I then said, with much amusement, “Not only is there no such thing as a rain circle, but even if it did exist which it doesn’t, it most certainly wouldn’t kill you!” I laughed and I laughed and I laughed some more, to which my mission companion shot back at me, “My mother wouldn’t lie to me about that kind of thing”. I laughed some more and I protested at the ridiculousness of his notion and he protested back. It wasn’t long before it was clear we were in two different camps when it came to rain circles and there simply would be no compromise. I whiped my tears away, my laugh is ridiculously large and breathy, and we both decided to leave the issue behind us.
Though we didn’t agree on rain circles we grew to be close friends, we shared many a laugh together, but as fate would have it after 6 weeks he was summoned to go serve on an Island out in the middle of Lake Titicaca. I stayed in my area with a new Elder that was assigned to work with me. A few days after he arrived we were walking through the same remote part of town up in the highlands where my old companion had first told me the story of the rain circle; when my new companion blurted “Hey look, a rain circle”. I in awe said “What?” Sure enough I looked up to see none other than a rainbow but in a perfectly formed circle.
This served as a lesson for me, I simpley don’t know everything there is to know. “The world is wide” I tell myself. If I hear something that is beyond crazy I try to think, I don’t know everything and maybe there is truth to this. A few weeks after spotting the rain circle, I was told of the story about Ayasiri; people who steal fat from people for evil purposes. Once the fat has been taken, usually without one knowing, it will leave one feeling sick and no western medicine can help. The only cure is to walk with a lamb to a holy spot in the mountains, which can only be found by someone who has made the journey before. Once there you have to then sacrifice the lamb and perform a ritual and then start the journey home. If you make it back successfully you, or the loved one you made the journey for, will be cured. Those who don’t do this, will have a slow, gradual but painful death.
When I heard this story I so wanted to say “Wow there are people stealing fat from people! People would pay good money for that in America, and to think they could come here had get it taken for free.” But I thought back to the rain circle and kept an open mind and said instead: “Wow I had no idea that happened.” The teller then went on to tell me about their personal story, an encounter with an Ayasiri, which was truely a captivating story and one I never would have heard if I would have gone with my original gut comment.
Recently, I have thought back to the story of the rain circle. Our nation seems unreconsiably divided, the two sides thinking that the other side is utterly incomprehensible. Each side dehumanizes the other. The story of the rain circle however reminds me to accept the lived experiences of others. I often think that if I were to have lived the life that the other person had lived, that I would probably see the logic in their point of view. I still think disagreements are healthy but all sides can bennefit from a bit of humility and an ounce of compassion. For there may come a day where you too might look up and say, “O gosh there is a rain circle”.
Lastly you might be wondering what I did when I saw the rain circle? Well, naturally I did as anyone would do when encountered with a rain circle, well anyone who survives to tell the tale that is.
Nepal was beautiful the home I was at I compared to paradise, but time had passed ant it was time to go home. On my way to the airport in Nepal I was given a proper Nepali goodbye. I stood in the doorway and Sanjay's mom gave me a blessing as she put the red paint on my forehead. She then placed an apple in my hand and a flower on my head then a scarf on my shoulders. As I walked downstairs the family downstairs the placed another scarf on me and off I went. The ritual is done so that you can go and return safely.
On the way to the airport, I told Sanjay "I hope that I don't see anyone going to Saudi, or I will just have to convince them to turn back around". He knew what I was talking about. Back at BYU, I had read several articles and stories about Nepali men who go to the Gulf countries to go work, but who face mistreatment (to put it nicely) and many die due to lack of safety.
Once I got in the airport and had to go through security, the lines are separated male and female. This is because they don't have the technology that we do so they have to do security the old fashion way with pat downs. Anyways the male line was about 10:1. At first, I thought "This is gender inequality at its best." This is due to the fact that females are in many ways invisible in Nepal. (Which reminds me I didn't talk about my day at the woman's shelter!, for another day)
Anyways got through security and sat down next to a group of Nepali men. They asked me where I was going I said "home". And then I asked where they were going they replied, with excitement "Saudi" . My jaw dropped, I said, "You are joking!". He said again still with a smile "No, that is where I am going", then looked over at his friends, "We all are going there." I suddenly didn't know what to say, but feeling my heart pumping said, "I am so sorry." His smile faded and looked confused and I simply walked away. As I walked away an announcement was made that a plane going to Qatar was ready to board. I saw then saw a long line of men slowly walk up and fill the plane all headed to Qatar. That wasn't the last plane I saw headed to the Gulf, my plane ended up being delayed for 5 hours. In that time I saw plane after plane headed to the Gulf. Seeing their faces, fear excitement and insecurity were overwhelming for me.
I started to think about what I originally said, "I will just have to convince them to turn back around." I realized how childish it was. I remembered a question my seminary teacher asked us. He asked us "what would we do if we ended up back in time with our current knowledge and you were placed right on the spot where people are entering the Titanic?" We all said we would stop the people warn them of what was to come. Now I can no longer remember what he was teaching or his point he was trying to get across, but I do remember thinking about it and being so sure that I would stop the people and save their lives.
But as fate would have it I was then placed in a similar situation and then I realized something that my high school self was incapable of knowing, even myself a brief moment before on the car ride to the airport was incapable of knowing. You can't stop anyone. Whether they are heading on a borage of the Titanic, or on a plane into enslavement it is just too cruel to stop them. You can't tell people to abandon their dreams, hopes, and aspirations of helping themselves and their families to get ahead; just because of something you have read. As I saw them load the plane I felt absolutely helpless. The feeling intensified with each plane departure, plane after plane after plane of people going to the gulf. Even worse I was with the people on my plane ( they had a layover in India then were headed to Saudi) for even longer. Getting to know them was putting a face to all those numbers I read in the articles. It was stressful and exhausting just being there and getting to know them.
There was another strange thing I noticed. All the Nepali headed to other countries had the red marking and the scarf around their neck from the traditional departure blessing. However, the men going to the Golf had none. I finally asked one of the men headed to Saudi on my plane why they didn't have the scarf or the marking. He responded that it was forbidden to have such things on their arrival to the Golf, being that the Gulf countries were Muslim countries. I looked around at all the men and asked myself, "How many of these men won't return? And to die being robbed of their culture, leaving home without a blessing."
In the midst of all this, I became friends with a Buddhist monk, not just any Buddhist monk, but this Monk had 6 fingers on each hand and one foot had 6 toes. We became close because we were there together so long. When we parted he said I had to come visit him in India and that he hopped someday I would become a Buddhist :)
In India I just wanted to get away from anyone going to Saudi, we had to part ways with all the people going to Saudi while in customs. Seeing them again was just too much for me. I sat down and started hearing an Indian complain, literally yelling about not getting the seat he wanted on a plane that was delayed. I looked at him and gave him the dirtiest look imaginable. I just thought, "You have NOTHING to complain about". He looked at me and quieted down. I walked away found a seat and then turned and saw all my Nepali friends show up, they all waved at me and then left to go load a plane... headed to Saudi.
I arrived in England and was relieved to get away from it all. It was so stressful it was nice to just relax and walk through the beautiful streets of London. Ironically the first guy I ran into was from Bolivia and could only speak Spanish, he told me where to go. I go to see all the sights except for the palace.
On a side note, when I got home. Sanjay informed me that after the dropped me off a few caskets were carried out of the airport. Bodies of those who didn't survive.
My family has canned all sorts of things my whole life. What we are most known for however is our grape juice. Whenever we have a visitor over we serve them some of our homemade grape juice. We have several vines in our back yard and they produce some of the best grape juice that I have ever tasted. And of course we occasionally, without realizing, make wine. However the cans to me mean more then just the fact that we grow and can things. To me they also show the frugality in which I was raised. My parents are very devout Mormons and thus, obeying with exactness, my dad was the sole breadwinner for the family. This would be great except the fact my fathers job paid slightly more then minimum wage and some times his payment were delayed because of the company he worked for also faced financial problems. There were also years were we didn't have health insurance. In such a time I remember being hospitalized, after it became clear to me that we simply couldn't afford me to get sick again. It was something that scared me.
We keep the cans deep in our basement in a cool space below our front porch. There it is dark and we rarely enter, just occasionally to get out a old can of juice or applesauce. To me this represents how our family tends to bottle up our emotions, we never really show what we feel on the inside. On occasion I will see a side of my brother, sister, mother or father that I never knew, something that they usually hide. After such a moment I always end up loving them more. But such moments are rare, and I long desire to know more of my family.
I served a mission for the LDS church in Peru speaking Spanish. Though I grew up Mormon and had read the book of Mormon my whole life, I never read it myself, until I decided to go on a mission. It was in my mission that I truly gained a deep appreciation for my Mormon heritage and for the book of Mormon. However even with my mission aside being Mormon is so much of who I am. It is through Mormonism that I can relate with the divine and things spiritual. Through Mormonism I build my Moral compass.
I grew up in a very devout family, my parents are very faithful members. We had daily scripture study, FHE and attended all the ward activities. I love my ward and the interactions I have had with my ward family has built much of who I am. However probably in my pre-teen years I started resenting that I was Mormon. I hated FHE, daily scripture study and especially young mens. It was at this time I started having depression and I feel in many ways my depression was fueled by my love hate relationship with the church.
Today I define Mormonism in my own terms. I try to get away from many of the shaming techniques that I grew up with. Though I still have my issues with the church, there is so much I love and I can not say who I am or where I come from with out talking about the church.
I meet Moe Zaw and Nyea Soe on a morning jog at 4 in the morning under the eclipse of the moon. I spoke to them briefly and talked about the cool occurrence of the eclipse, but as I jogged away I felt a subtle feeling that they would be special people in my life. Soon from other random occurances I was over at their house eating talking and sooner then later I was adopted into the family. I have heavily been involved in the Karen Community of Utah for several years now, though I am not Karen I like to claim that the Karen community has affected me deeply, I am a better person because of them. I really strive to incorporate many of their beautiful customs into my life.
But the Karen shirt represents more then just the Karen community. It shows my upbringing in South Salt Lake, in the mist of so many different cultures and people, all of whom have helped form who I am. It also is a symbol of friendship, which is the thing that I think I value most in life.
The last object I was hesitant to show. I like to keep this side of me hidden, being that I am at conservative BYU. However I like to think of myself as a quiet LGBT advocate. However I am becoming less and less a quite advocate. I openly support gay marriage and LGBT rights. I volunteer in Pride festivals and am a part of Affirmation (LDS LGBT group). The past two years I have done an LGBT Amnesty night here at BYU. I love LGBT culture and history and am glad to be apart of it.
However the = sign is so much more then just LGBT rights. To me it shows my home land, but not only that it shows a desire for my home to be a better place a place of more equality and less judgement. And lastly it shows my deeply ingrained belief that there are human rights that we need to continue to fight for so that this world can be a better place.
I first meet up with Adam just by chance one day in the Harold B. Lee Library. Later on he ended up inviting me to USGA for a presentation he did there. USGA (Understanding Same Gender Attraction) was the means of me meeting all sorts of new friends. I am really grateful for Adams acquaintanceship and all the things that he does. Adam is the current president of USGA and recently was honored by the Trevor Project for his work in the Mormon LGBT community. This interview was done back in fall 2012.
Q:So tell a little bit about yourself.
A: I am Adam 21 I am a gay Mormon. I am from Washington DC, grew up in as a kid in California moving to the east coast California high school. Came out to BYU to study film, ended up in Acting.
Q: When do you first realize you were gay?
A: Looking back on my life now it was very apparent that I was always gay; but it was not something that I came to terms with or acknowledged myself until the end of my senior year of high school. It was actually an interesting conversation with a group of friends. I said something that triggered my friends, who said “That is a really a gay thing to say, Adam”. And it was a revelatory moment, that was like"" wait, your right." it got me to think about it and the more I thought about it I started branching out and started researching what it was to be gay and what homosexuality was. Being a Mormon boy this is not a topic we talk about at church or in families in the church especially there is no one close to you or gay friends around it is just a subject people didn't touch. So once I figured it out it took about a year or so to really realize I was gay and admit to myself that I was gay.
So in your lecture on faith you talked about the low point what was your low point how did that make you see things differently
My low point was fall semester 2009 I was here living Heleman Halls. What my lowest point looked like was I felt alone.
In high school I had severe sleeping problems, debilitating problems, that I thought would go away when I got to college but they didn't. It was something I was struggling with. Also because I was questioning my sexuality and everything. However because of the way I ended expressing it to my bishop, he ended up sending me to a group on campus that was for pornography. The way they were handling it was interesting however I really wasn't addicted to porn. But being there in that place just lead me to feel very isolated made me feel that I was dealing problems that no one else was dealing with. I couldn't really tell my friends about them my only support was the girl I was dating at that time and she lived far away in Virginia. All these things just culminated, I wouldn't say that I was depressed but rather confused. I took it out on myself in the form of-- I had problems with disordered eating in high school-- and that was something that definitely flared up at that point. So I decided it would be better to go home to deal with the sleep problem and take a breather. Things went up from there but that was definitely my lowest point.
Q: What was the thing that made you decide to come out?
A: When I finally accepted I was gay it was a reliving moment for me. It was something that made me feel I was not broken in some way, the pieces that never really fit in my life were coming together under this one realization. Everything just made sense, even my sleeping problems went away. I had always felt bad about the relationship with my girlfriend because I felt like I wasn't giving it my all and lying at the same time. I really wanted it to work because it was a relationship, and that is what you are supposed to do. These things making me feel guilty stressed and alone suddenly made sense when I admitted to myself that I was gay. So it was something I wanted to share with the people closest to me.
I also started writing a blog. When first coming out my natural inclination was to go to the internet and find other people like me. The first thing when searching gay Mormons was a gay Mormon blog. It introduced me to a community of gay Mormon bloggers who blogged from a gay Mormon perspective. I ate that stuff up. That also made me want to come out, but I didn't feel ready to come out to my family. I could come out to the world at large but, because that world at large doesn't have a face. So I kind of came out to these people these aliases that I didn't know who there were. But I know them now in fact the first 2 people that I knew on campus who are gay found me through the blog and wanted to meet me and so when I came back 2011 I met these people who were blogging like I did. They introduced me to USGA. By then I was very comfortable in my own gay skin. Maybe partly because we didn't have a relationship before I was out to myself so I felt very comfortable accepting that part of me around them
From there I gained confidence to come out to my ecclesiastical leaders. Sense then my attitude has been very honest. I don’t introduce myself as “Hi I am Adam and I am a gay Mormon” but I do leave it open if someone is willing to approach me with the question hey are you gay or what is your sexual orientation I will freely tell them I ad gay, that is my policy with professors and people that I encounter on a daily basis.
Q: Do people ask this often?
A: Umm. No, not necessarily. It is kind of found out or known with out people really saying anything, especially in the theater department were we do gender studies and things from a performance aspect. Sometimes professors will say ignorant things about homosexuality, so I will email the professor and say I’m gay and it is like this. So when this topic is approached I am out enough to raise my hand and say something. For the most part I haven’t had a negative experience here at BYU.
Q: So you haven’t had negative experiences but has it changed your BYU experience?
A: O yes. Actually in my theater class on Monday we spent the day talking about the David Acermany who did the black face video. There is several African Americans in the class so we talked about being a minority. They talked about standing up for racism. And it is something that I can relate to. It wasn't until I started coming out to people did I realize what it is to be in a minority group, it took being in that situation. It has definitely changed my experience, not in a way of being more exclusive and defensive about being gay, but more an open inviting invitation to know more. A lot of people feel this way at USGA it is kind of a missionary experience being able to be gay on BYU campus. Being open about spirituality as well as being gay, those are two categories that haven’t meshed well in the past. But to be able to show people hey were are Mormon gay and we are happy this way and it is not a conflict, it is not a problem, we don’t want to be cured were and we are happy about it . It is a real refreshing idea for most people, if it is not, it is something to think about. I value this experience.
Q:How did your family react, have you had problems maybe with roommates?
No problems with roommates, actually my first roommate when I came back, was gay, and would go to USGA; but he has sense left and is now studying at UVU. I haven’t had problems with roommates, we haven’t really talked about it, but I assume they know. I mean I am out on facebook. And for any gay person it is the last final period on the coming out sentence. Social media here I am and I am gay. If they glace at my facebook, if they see what I write, if they see the people I bring over, the way I interact with girls is different then they do, and I don’t have interest in girls. It is fairly obvious and no one has ever had problems with it. They just assume it is my life and my problem.
I came out to my brother last year he was cool with it and he was accepting. To him it made sense. He had a friend come out to him and he had a lot of questions about it. I think having that period to think about It definitely helped.
I came out to my mom last summer and you know and she is trying to be ok with it. She had gay friends in high school, so she knows that it isn't some weird terrifying thing, and that gay people are nice good people. She has a really positive picture of what being gay is. Something that has helped has been to lay out to her some of the theological conundrums that come up as being Mormon and being gay and being like umm well as this plan is being laid out there isn't really a place necessarily delineated explicitly for gay people. It is a topic not really mentioned in our most recently reveled scripture, the book of Mormon and Doctrine and Covenants. Being able to talk about those things with her made her realize, "yeah your right this is a really big and complicated deal". Her reaction is to not really pass judgment on it. She also realizes that it is a lonely life to live outside of a relationship. To her it makes sense to be gay and embrace that part of me and seek a relationship with another man. For my dad it is different story it was good to come out to him because it was what I expected. It definitely isn't the response I would want from him but wasn't out of character for him. He is very concerned that I won’t be with him in the world to come.
And that to him is very heart breaking thought. And it would be for any parent to not to have ones loved ones with them after they die. So he believes that is the case and drawing parallels to civil rights and gay rights does not compute with him. There just several issues that I can not get through to him. Probably the most frustrating is the idea I feel I have had spiritual experiences that I feel have confirmed to me that I am gay and God loves me this way and He is okay with me seeking out my own life and me seeking out my relationships that I want in my life. It is frustrating because he says he has received revelation that it is not ok and that therefor my revelation must be coming from a different source. And that is frustrating because I have shared other experiences that are ok because they are in line with what the church teaches. He holds to the church policies and doctrines very closely and it very stern but loving response in that way. He also believes that I am apostatizing by believing they way I do. It is a difficult situation but not a unworkable one. Which I am grateful fore. In also dealing with this I guess he needed to talk to someone about it; but he ended up outing me to the rest of the extended family as well talking with his brother and sister and grandma about it.
Q: How did that make you feel?
It was frustrating. Every gay, they share coming out, is a very controlled process, it is not a reflection. It is not a thing like I am compelled by society to come out. How I see it is something like as I grow I will tell the people that need to be told, so it took the control of coming out away from me. It also presented situations that I wasn't ready for. Positives that have come out of it are several of my cousins have said: "We love you and support you in what ever you do". My grandparents and my uncle and aunts haven't said anything so that is interesting.
Q: What is USGA and why do you think BYU needs it?
A: I think BYU needs USGA because it educates the students about LGBT issues, and it provides a haven for those who are LGBT. There are many students on campus who are ignorant, and that's only because they haven't been educated about LGBT issues and/or haven't met someone who is LGBT. USGA offers students a chance to put a human face on an issue that is demonized by Christian conservatives, and it gives BYU students a refreshing perspective shift. There are also many lonely LGBT students at BYU who feel lonely or excluded because their sexual orientation is different from other people. USGA is designed as a non-judgmental, all-inclusive group; no matter where in their personal journey they are, a person can come to USGA and feel welcome and loved. A lot of people meet new, powerful friends at USGA because of this.
Q: So the LDS stance on homosexuality.. Do you feel gay members are welcome?
A: I feel like the rhetoric has changed enough to where people feel more welcome. I know of instances of gay couples that come to church that are appropriately affectionate like any other couple. So I know there are people who do feel welcome. But the way the policy is structured makes gay people feel like they are second class citizens. In the same way that people that single adults feel like they are second class citizens, well more of being left out of the loop because we are n’t married. The way LDS society makes me feel like I am being put in a lesser position, I know a lot of people who feel that way. And in another way how gay people are treated in interviews or for transgressions, or sins is a lot more severe then it is for heterosexuals. For example I was planning on going on a mission but I had done somethings in the past that I felt that would be appropriate to discuss with my bishop. If it was a straight couple everything would have been fine smoothed and everything would go on. Mine it was an awkward experience, I had to go to the stake president and asked if I viewed child porn. Then told if I didn't get my same sex attraction under control, what ever that means, that I would pose a threat to my companions. Any time were you have to go to the stake president and talk about any sexual encounter you had is always somewhat awkward. But it is more emotionally disturbing just because it was two men and not a man and a woman that it was treated in such a fashion. Another element is kind of just the echos of things that have happened in the past. Is the idea that because I am gay or someone is gay that this is a trial or struggle for them so we should treat them with abundance of love and abundance of love and consideration and it sort of makes it heroic this is an epic trial you are dealing with and we respect you and you are so brave for doing this. And that is another way it kind of does the opposite it singles people out and say you can’t have what we do. And that to me disturbs me and my response to that is that It is not a struggle being gay the trail and the challenge from being gay in the church is always education and people that I am completely fine.
Q: How can you be gay with out compromising faith?
A: It is a difficult thing being gay in the church. Feelings and thoughts that are healthy and encouraged in straight couples have been demonized in gay couples. So my natural inclination, to have a romantic relationship and to be married and have my own family these are values that have been taught to me and that I believe in with all my heart. Because I know the principles behind them and those are things that have been tough in the church but because those feelings are directed toward a man suddenly I am on the path to hell. That raises questions what is it that I actually believe and what is this institution that I am believing and am investing so much in. And also what is my heritage as a Mormon what does it look like outside the correlated story that has been presented in our Sunday school classes. There are bits and pieces of church history and culture that we smooth over, that we just don’t talk about. They don’t shake my faith but make me wonder why do we need to hide this. What being gay essentially did made me open to ask the questions and healthily engaging with them instead of shying away from such issues as polygamy or is gay marriage. Mormonism is the way I engage with god, I believe that it works. I am willing go take essential things like core doctrines like articles of faith and not worry about policy. As hard it is for some people to believe a lot f the things we hold to are cultural things. There technically are not church doctrine they have not been sworn in as scripture. It isn't like the book of Mormon or Doctrine and covenants, which interestingly enough do not talk about homosexuality. So being able to honestly say to myself I don’t believe that or I disagree with the authority of the church on certain points has allowed me to grow in my faith perhaps in way to other people may seem like I am back sliding or apostatizing. But for me it is more fully engaging to what god has granted me.
Q: What do say that homosexuality is the unnatural sin and that it destroys the family?
A:To that I say what do you mean by the traditional family. One of the irony of the Mormon church saying things like: "We have always believed that marriage is between a man and a woman." I say really the church used to believe that marriage was between and man and a woman and a woman and another woman. So things like that we look at the world at large. There are plenty of cultures were the traditional man wife children. Look at other cultures it is more a group setting we all raise the children together. Other countries that have 5 genders that all have specific assignments. You begin to ask who is this tradition too. And to the unnatural part ---to be honest a lot of people think, it is just about the sex, that it is the sex part that makes it ungodly, sinful that these people can’t be together because that is just nasty. My issue is that there are plenty of straight people that engage in the same thing that gay people do. The two big ones that my dad likes to bring up because they don’t have to do with procreation is the anal sex and the mutual masturbation. Which is a lot of peoples issues with it. I have heard so many silly things about Mormons. Like you shouldn't have sex unless you have your garments on or these different weird quirks that no one came up with, but for some reason Mormons are sexually frustrated people. The church never really has said that sex is just for procreation. If we were to talk about unnatural? What does that even mean? Because if you point to nature for these kind of things homosexuality exist in nature in several species. To those arguments those are not really good enough usually they don’t want to engage in these types of things.
Q: There are many gays in the church who end up marring women. Why is or why isn't that a valid option for you?
To answer your second question, the Church, at least in policy, does not recommend its gay members to marry into mixed-orientation marriages. There is the misconception still floating around our congregations, however, that orientation can be changed, so unfortunately too many gay men and women will enter marriage with someone who is straight in hope that God will work it out for them. I know of a family who is happily maintaining and thriving in a mixed-orientation marriage, but they are an exception. I have heard of far more people whose families are torn apart by this issue, and that risk is enough for me to avoid actively seeking to marry a woman. I also feel it goes against the values the Mormon Church teaches. We should marry for love, to be bound for eternity to the one that we romantically cherish. I could never love a woman in that way, so it would be against my values to try to marry a woman.
Q: Would you change?
A: Some days it would be easier. What would it be like if I felt this way about woman my life would be simpler it would make my family more at ease. But my bottom line and my gut answer is that I would never take the straight pill.
I am really grateful for Adam for doing the interview and it took me forever to write up. But often during the interview and in the write up I felt a little bit like the guy in this interview because Adam has such an amazing vocabulary and speaks sometimes in a way that I feel is intellectually out of my league. Thanks again Adam I think you are an amazing person. I hope someday I can be able to be as gifted as you in public speaking.
Ree Reh's story starts way back way back in Burma . I however can't do it justice. It is a story that he will have to tell someday. But violence is not foreign to Ree Reh remembers growing up in fear, and ultimately running away from the Burmese army. At a young age his mother was taken away from him, killed by the Burmese Army. His father would later remarry and they would make a new life in a refugee camp in Thailand and then latter on come to America in hope of the American dream. Though he has had challenges through all this one of his hardest memories might be the day he woke up, after being badly beaten by a group of Burmese teens, realizing that he could no longer hear. Ree Reh entered my life a few years ago I meet him at church. I saw him said hello and asked his name. Quickly a lady turned to me and said "He can't hear you he is deaf and dumb". I turned and looked back at Ree Reh he then pointed to his ear and shook his head. I know no harm was meant in what she said and I know that is the correct term however I couldn't help but think "He may be deaf but he is no dummy". I just smiled at Ree Reh and he smiled back. That was a start of what would become a long and beautiful friendship. I had worked with Refugees for some time by then and knew that English was a huge communication barrier for them. I then started to think about him. His communication barrier isn't just with his community it is with his family. Many in the Karen/ Karinni community who have a deaf family member claim they speak Burmese sign. However in reality their sign is minimal at best and mostly deaf individuals learn to use motions that are universal in order to speak. This is good however there are so many thoughts and ideas that simply require language to express. ( the link below tells more about deaf in Burma it is also good to note that Ree Reh is not from a part of Burma where education would be available to a deaf individual)
Despite the major communication barrier, I am amazed at the ability of those in the deaf community to get their message across and communicate. Ree Reh has built friendships despite the barrier of communication. And for sure he doesn't let his disability get in the way with the things that he loves, mainly sports and girls. He participates in every sport that is available to him and does so really quite well. He is a phenomenal athlete and isn't shy to come up and introduce himself to new girls using his cell phone for communication when necessary.
This is a story taken from Ree Reh's own words. It should be noted that my sign language isn't the best so there might be some errors in the interpretations. Also when reading one should remember this took place in one of the coldest nights in January with temperatures around 1 degree F. Lastly I'm still not sure how to do this translation in proper English or weather to do it more like Ree Reh might say it in English being that he is just learning it; so I did a combination of both. Gee: So tell me what happened? Ree Reh: I was walking home from basket ball around 11 o'clock, I was almost home when 2 big guys approached me. They started yelling at me and I thought they wanted to use my cell phone. So I handed it to them. They took it and made a phone call and when they finished I put my hand out to take the phone back but they started yelling at me and getting closer then they started pushing me until I fell then they started punching and kicking me. They were big guys and there was two of them I could do nothing. When I tried to get up I saw the one put on brass knuckles I tried to block the blows but he ended up punching me in the face. They just keep punching me and kicking me for a while I don't even know how long. Gee: Where you conscious the whole time? Did you pass out? Ree Reh: I don't remember maybe I passed out. After they pulled me bye my legs and dragged me over to the river. ( He lifts his shirt exposing large scars that run down his back) Then they throw me in the water. Gee: Do you remember how they threw you in? Ree Reh: Yeah one grabbed my arms and one grabbed my legs the swung me and then threw me in. The water cold, hard to swim I swim away from the men. I pull myself out of the water and out on the snow. I walked back and still see them men standing close by the entrance to the apartment so I go home a different way. I must jump fences. I arrive at home wet cold, tired. When my mom see me she cry and cry. We run to the hospital I slept for 2 days they feed me with a tube because I sleep. Gee: Why did they do it? Ree Reh: I don't know. They yell at me but I don't know what they say. The event happened on Friday and I found out about it on Saturday. His brother told me that Ree Reh was beat up and that he was at the hospital. I was unable to make it down on Saturday to see him however Sunday, during church, I escaped to go visit my friend. He had just been let out to go home. I knocked on the door and when up to his bed room. He was asleep and I didn't want to wake him. However his brother came in and turned to me and said "no he will want to see you" so he nudged him and Ree Reh got up. When he turned to me I saw his head all swollen and how he was barely recognizable I was shocked I felt tears swelling up in my eyes but I suppressed them. I then said "Hey Ree Reh, hows it go'n?" Which given the circumstances was a dumb thing to ask but given he is deaf and can't hear me even dumber. After the initial shock we just talked a little bit and I decided that him coming home from the hospital was worthy of celebration so we went out for ice cream.
Later, I got to think about how it would be to have grown up in fear then to be put in a "safe place" only to once again be encountered with that you ran from. I thought in horror of what it would be like to wait up for your son and then to see him come back bloody, wet and beaten. This lead me to think of what would motivate a person to beat ruthlessly a child who is deaf. Was it racism? Was it the fact that he was deaf? Or was it just because he was walking bye and the guys wanted to beat someone? But more my question is what will become of it? Will justice be served or will this just be looked over because here a helpless deaf refugee kid is the victim and he doesn’t have enough “voice” for the police to do anything about it?
I also realized that this happened in the middle of the street around 11-12 pm was there really no one who saw? I know the streets not to be heavily trafficked but really no one? As I thought about the song " The A Team" by Ed Sheeran. And I realized that as the song says that maybe it was just "too cold outside for angels to fly". So often in school I have studied about social issues that occur throughout the world. There seems to be so much injustice in Uganda, Burma, Mexico and the list goes on. But if I do nothing to stop the injustices down the street from me can I even say that I care about the problems happening across the world. Ree Reh soon after the accident gave a report to the police, however has heard nothing of it sense, the family is concerned that nothing was done but more they are concerned for a second attack or retaliation for going to the police. Ree Reh on the other hand recovered remarkably fast. At first we were concerned because as his eye healed he couldn't see from it. However with time he has regained his vision. During the week after I was busy with school and pushed the event to the back of my mind. Friday though I went and saw "Ocean Heaven" A movie about a father, who being diagnosed with a terminal illness, must prepare his autistic son to live on his own. The movie was touching and I cried during several parts. At one part the father drops off his son at an institution that will care for the son, once the son is alone he suddenly realizes the absence of his son and how much he means to him. At this point I realized that I almost lost Ree Reh. It seems we all to often we take advantage of those who are close to us by thinking that they will always be there. It isn't until that is threatened do we realize how much they mean to us. As I left the theater I was determined to do something I want Ree Reh to be independent I want him to have the tools so that he can follow his dreams. Ree Reh's journey has just began, the rest of it he will have to tell.
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