Roots Fragmented

My family has canned all sorts of things my whole life. What we are most known for however is our grape juice. Whenever we have a visitor over we serve them some of our homemade grape juice. We have several vines in our back yard and they produce some of the best grape juice that I have ever tasted. And of course we occasionally, without realizing, make wine. However the cans to me mean more then just the fact that we grow and can things. To me they also show the frugality in which I was raised. My parents are very devout Mormons and thus, obeying with exactness, my dad was the sole breadwinner for the family. This would be great except the fact my fathers job paid slightly more then minimum wage and some times his payment were delayed because of the company he worked for also faced financial problems. There were also years were we didn't have health insurance. In such a time I remember being hospitalized, after it became clear to me that we simply couldn't afford me to get sick again. It was something that scared me.

We keep the cans deep in our basement in a cool space below our front porch. There it is dark and we rarely enter, just occasionally to get out a old can of juice or applesauce.  To me this represents how our family tends to bottle up our emotions, we never really show what we feel on the inside. On occasion I will see a side of my brother, sister, mother or father that I never knew, something that they usually hide. After such a moment I always end up loving them more. But such moments are rare, and I long desire to know more of my family.

I served a mission for the LDS church in Peru speaking Spanish. Though I grew up Mormon and had read the book of Mormon my whole life, I never read it myself, until I decided to go on a mission. It was in my mission that I truly gained a deep appreciation for my Mormon heritage and for the book of Mormon. However even with my mission aside being Mormon is so much of who I am. It is through Mormonism that I can relate with the divine and things spiritual. Through Mormonism I build my Moral compass.
I grew up in a very devout family, my parents are very faithful members. We had daily scripture study, FHE and attended all the ward activities. I love my ward and the interactions I have had with my ward family has built much of who I am. However probably in my pre-teen years I started resenting that I was Mormon. I hated FHE, daily scripture study and especially young mens. It was at this time I started having depression and I feel in many ways my depression was fueled by my love hate relationship with the church.
Today I define Mormonism in my own terms. I try to get away from many of the shaming techniques that I grew up with. Though I still have my issues with the church, there is so much I love and I can not say who I am or where I come from with out talking about the church.

 I meet  Moe Zaw and Nyea Soe on a morning jog at 4 in the morning under the eclipse of the moon. I spoke to them briefly and talked about the cool occurrence of the eclipse, but as I jogged away I felt a subtle feeling that they would be special people in my life. Soon from other random occurances I was over at their house eating talking and sooner then later I was adopted into the family. I have heavily been involved in the Karen Community of Utah for several years now, though I am not Karen I like to claim that the Karen community has affected me deeply, I am a better person because of them. I really strive to incorporate many of their beautiful customs into my life.

But the Karen shirt represents more then just the Karen community. It shows my upbringing in South Salt Lake, in the mist of so many different cultures and people, all of whom have helped form who I am. It also is a symbol of friendship, which is the thing that I think I value most in life.

The last object I was hesitant to show. I like to keep this side of me hidden, being that I am at conservative BYU. However I like to think of myself as a quiet LGBT advocate. However I am becoming less and less a quite advocate. I openly support gay marriage and LGBT rights. I volunteer in Pride festivals and am a part of Affirmation (LDS LGBT group). The past two years I have done an LGBT Amnesty night here at BYU. I love LGBT culture and history and am glad to be apart of it.

However the = sign is so much more then just LGBT rights. To me it shows my home land, but not only that it shows a desire for my home to be a better place a place of more equality and less judgement. And lastly it shows my deeply ingrained belief that there are human rights that we need to continue to fight for so that this world can be a better place.